happy birthday

happy birthday grandma.

a special place.

To most, grandmas have a special place in their heart. And like most, I feel the same way.

She is one with few words. But with a smile that melts my heart. Every time I sayang her by stroking down her hair and massaging her hands, every time I smile at her, I am always returned by her warm smile.

Remember the last time we went to the bird park and had such a great time together. Times like these has gone but will always stay as memories.

I miss her, but she will always stay, in a special place in my heart.

greys.

When sleep doesn't come easy; only when tears dry up and hoax you into bed.

prayer

The Potter's Wheel

When you're troubled and discouraged

In the darkness of the night

When obstruction clouds your vision

And you just can't see the light.

When life's trials overcome you

And you have nowhere to turn

When you've reached the very bottom

There are lessons you must learn.

For the clay is being molded

It's been twisted, pulled and tossed

It's been rolled and it's been pounded

Till the ego has been lost.

He will put you through the furnace

You'll be tested to the brim

Your life will be in pieces

Till you give your soul to Him.

From blemish to perfection

His hands will form the clay

This human piece of rubble

Must let God have His way.

When you come to Him all battered

In the form of mortal man

When you cry to Him in mercy

You will find the Potter's hand.

He will grind you, mold and chisel

The friction you will feel

Till He gently carves and shapes you

Upon the Potter's wheel.

-Marilyn Ferguson

You never said it was going to be easy, You only said I would never be alone. Take my hand today, and I just pray that You would cast Your healing hands upon her. I really really do not want any mishap to be upon her. Please Lord, I just pray that You would bless my household through this time of uncertainty and all this I commit into Your hands.

square 1.

I was always told that "you should always hope high, because then the actual result would not be that low."

Well, I beg to differ now. Sometimes, I think I am a pretty perfectionistic person, hoping for the ideal attitude one should have, be it for myself but also for others. I think sometimes the more you request of yourself and others, and when things just don't go the way you want to, it really gets to me. Sometimes its pretty discouraging. And sometimes it just makes it seems like nothing will be enough and it is just not worth your effort trying to change things that you feel is imperfect/flawed.

But I think that we must constantly remind ourselves, that we are not strong because we deem ourselves to be, but really we are who we are because of God. I guess what I ask of myself whenever I do something is,

What is my intention?

I guess, if my intention is right, it should be in accordance to His teachings.

I think sometimes I get so caught up with so many things and I just need to get back to the basics, and only try to fit myself in my own criteria rather than others. Because honestly it is tired, telling people that some things are not for us to choose. If we choose and pick what is convenient for you to take up, then what difference is it from consumerism where you just take up roles that you don't mind and reject others you deem harder. I am still trying to grapple it. Its been tough, I have been praying. And today, I think I have made my conclusion when I was praying to Him. Its time to let go and let God. Something that I have forgotten, trying to take things into my hands and not remembering that He is in control of it all.

I guess, what I can do is to let them know of my stand. And if it still falls on deaf ears then its time to

let go and let God.